Is your filter broken?

I'm blessed to take part in a wonderful group of like-minded people who gather weekly to share and learn about spiritual subjects. We rotate general topics monthly and this last week was dedicated to healing. My social anxiety meter often spikes on healing night. Mostly I'm nervous because it is a very physically interactive activity and I tend to be naturally shy. I'm so used to being all caught up in my own mind with such matters. Bringing Spirit out of my brain and heart and into the world is scary enough; not to mention in front of other people! What if I don't really know what I'm doing? What if everyone one there looks at me and thinks the same?  Once I was at a convention Q&A with actor Aaron Douglas of Battlestar Galactica and someone asked him about his method of acting and he exclaimed, "I don't have one! I'm just saying my lines to the best of my ability. I feel as if at any moment someone will walk in and expose me as a fraud." I completely identify with that sentiment! I struggle with it too but I'm finding that I do know that I have a gift and only time and practice stands in my way to achieving solid confidence.

Physical healing is a fairly new art to me. I've used my empathic abilities to interact with people all of my life. In fact, I don't know how to be any other way. I use them to be try to be a supportive friend and a loving family member. I've used my impressions to navigate social situations of all kinds.  I've never really seen myself as a physical healer though. Frankly, I found it intimidating and not quantifiable. How would I know if I was accomplishing anything? I think we tend to get hung up on the idea that you have to have a degree in medicine to handle the health of the body. This week's session was different for me. Something just clicked when we talked about how a healing session is more than fixing aches and pains. It is about treating the body, mind, and spirit as a whole. We had all these people sharing their unique and special gifts. If I'm more comfortable working with emotions, then I was gonna share that to the best of my ability. It's also a vital part of the process of healing. My colleagues at Group are exactly what any supportive bunch should be. They're open, gracious, humble, grateful, eager to learn and share. No one would dream of laughing or even criticizing anyone else because we're all aware enough to know that we are students in perpetuity. Most importantly, we all love ourselves, each other, and when you come from a place of love, healing just happens naturally. So I really took a leap of faith and jumped in with both hands, so to speak. 

I originally intended to write this post about the idea of the filter in that mysterious place between the mind and mouth. Mine has been a steel trap on a lot of subjects for most of my life. I've come to realize in talking about the subject of healing that what I experienced was a personal healing more than a reworking of my filter. See growing up in my world was full of secrets; things you know but never say out loud. Things you keep to yourself because either it's "no one else's business what goes on at home" or because of a genuine feeling that no one would understand or accept what I thought anyway. So many of us in my generation and before were taught to be seen and not heard. Being a people-pleaser, I rarely ever spoke out of turn. I was raised to be respectful and not to assert wants & needs; especially as a girl. My beloved late grandfather loved to tell a story about how once he had picked me up for a weekend visit. When we arrived at his house, he sat down with the paper and began reading. Apparently I was annoyed by this and at the edge of his hearing, he barely made out my tiny voice saying under my breath, "You wanted to see me, so see me." He was a loving and usually quite attentive man-- a healer by profession, himself-- and was quite taken aback. He said he realized that I was quite right and completely acknowledged my point by putting down his paper and focused on our visit instead.

Later as an adult trying to find my true self, I wondered where that little girl went. In the chaos of her life at that time, she had the courage to speak up for herself in a way that reflected an awareness of self-worth that subsequent years of people-pleasing would obscure. Fear of rejection has quieted me for too long. Now here I am accepting a role as messenger for Spirit and I've said yes to my Spirit guides, my higher self, and my mentors. "Yes, I will hear you. I will trust you." That means words have to come out of my head and be communicated. Eek!

I've been rather focused over the last year on healing my throat chakra and working with my totem animal that corresponds to expression. I began sharing many of the messages that come to me with clients and friends as I've felt directed and it's been life changing. I've made an effort to share even with people that aren't a safe bet. That night at healing class, I heard the words to give, swallowed hard, and let out that tiny voice again in the still of the room as we all concentrated on channeling love. It wasn't easy but it did come easier as the night progressed and as I moved from person to person sharing energy.

My big Aha! moment is that I'm coming to accept and acknowledge my own ways of doing things; from the way I visualize to the way I move. It's long past time that I let go and let Spirit direct me to express myself in the way that only I can deliver. If we all expressed the exact same way, there would always be someone left in the dark not getting the message.There is a reason I have this voice and this way. There are people meant to hear me and they're out there waiting. We are all instruments of Spirit and we all have voices, both literally and figuratively, that are waiting to be heard. Someone out there is waiting for what you have to share. Share your message in love. Allow Spirit to heal others with your love and you will be healed in return.