Playing With Visual Metaphors

Once the big dramatic work of clearing the cobwebs and clutter from my life and mind was done and the excitement of plugging in the reunited pieces of me had waned, there was an unsettling silence that set in. At first there was a welcome calm after so much upheaval but then what? I set about filling in the cracks with things-- new things for the new me. I tried to be careful not to just start cramming junk in again. It's kind of like building a rock wall.  (I love a good metaphor, don't you?) I could choose stones that only kind-of fit and make it work by dumping a bunch more mortar and gravel, or I could be patient (yes, even more so) for stones that fit perfectly-- the stones born to be there. That doesn't mean I won't have to try several out until I find it but why fill in space and settle with 'less than'? I think it stems from fear and a desire to begin to heal... to not feel so raw inside.

Sometimes I let the pressure get to me. Self-imposed pressure. Like I have to constantly be heading toward the goal line. Funny how big change often clears the way so the road to the goal is clarified but it also makes you braver to change again; opening even more options before you. You may even find that the goal has changed.

Now with a wall the focus is on a barrier = finite space. There is only before the wall and beyond the wall. In construction school we built walls but we also built a stone pathway once too. I don't want to limit myself so much anymore. So, about that stone wall metaphor-- Let's change it to a walkway instead. I can be more free with everything because the focus is along the path instead. I decide how wide I want it, how long, where it will lead... And it's already changed many times. Once my foundation stones are in place the general direction becomes clearer-- mapped out where I intend to go but not necessarily permanent or ridgid. I'm finding myself exploring rather than plodding along methodically down the obvious way. The indistinct paths and the wilds become less frightening and more enticing. Almost irresistable in fact. You never know what new views and treasures hide in there. There may be new foes but there may be new allies too. I'm not as afraid as I once was because I'm more prepared. I just keep laying stones as I go; keeping what works and letting go of what doesn't.