Untethered Balloon or Kite?

    

     Here in the Ozarks, it's that time of year when we keep the storm shelter stocked and fresh batteries in the weather radio. Spring has burst; giving birth with explosive force the energy that the quiet Winter built. Sometimes life begins as gentle as the blooming of a flower or buds opening into leaves on a tree. Sometimes there is beautiful and terrible violence that first destroys the existing to make way for the new. Just as in Nature, we find this in our lives as well.

     Change can be gentle. Growth can happen silently beneath our noses. It can also be dark, traumatic, and filled with grief. Amidst the chaos, the rest of the world keeps turning and everyone is going through their own cycles of growth and change--always another story on the news, always another storm on the horizon. The transition seasons are intense and while I love how alive I feel riding the wave into new adventure, sometimes I want to cry out to let me off this crazy ride! Please, just for a moment so I can get my bearings and catch my breath.

     

     I've really been honoring my need for quiet these last couple of weeks. I can't say I'm even contemplating anything or being all that introspective. That's still doing and pushing ahead in a way; the thought of which exhausts me. I'm restless and my body feels in conflict with my spirit. So I go for a run or hike to keep the body busy without using my mind. At least, I could be getting some exercise. The diversion is a positive one but I'm unsatisfied... tired.

     No, what my soul wants is to just sit and stare at the sky, the birds, the trees, taking in, and observing without any expectations. Right now, watching the grass grow actually sounds appealing. My spirit craves the freedom. My Ego-driven, fleshy brain laments that the world goes on regardlessly presuming that my part in the play continues on and I might be missing my cues.

     Ultimately, I know it'll still be there when I get back. All of it. The financial issues, the business plan, the dinner menu, the news headlines... I'm an escapist. It's a wonderful thing to allow yourself time to just be and I recommend it to everyone. Inside I wonder, though, if there's a saturation point. Is there a full tank for me? I know everyone needs recharge but what if I'm a bottomless bowl of feel good? How long could I stay off the ride before becoming bored or the anticipation gets too much and I'm ready to jump on again?

     Maybe someday I can conduct this experiment but for now, there is too high a risk that I'll float away like an untethered balloon. Until then, I guess I'll take my recesses when I can get them, work smarter, and pick up the next wave of motivation when it's time. I'll try to be a kite instead. A kite can't fly without it's string firmly connected to the ground.