I've kept a journal since I was a little girl. I kinda thought that keeping a blog would be a simple technological upgrade to an already established habit. I've found that it's harder than it seems for an introvert like me who feels compelled to disect a lot of what I write for the privacy of those dear to me.
Years ago, an ex brought it to my awareness that he believed I wrote to work out my troubles. Looking over old journals, I realized he was right. When things are going smooth and steady there is often a significant gap from one entry to the next. When things are rocky or I'm feeling conflicted, I might have several entries in a day.
That's really not the way I wanted to operate. I'm always thinking about the people who'll be reading these someday when I'm gone and I wouldn't want them to think my life was a continuous crisis. I never would've thought that it could be hard to get in a habit of writing the about happy things. They're certainly the things I want to remember.
I'm not gonna beat myself up about it because ultimately I know I have a sure-fire, go-to, healthy coping mechanism. It sounds like a pretty good exercise to push myself to start writing about the blessings more often too. In my private journals, it's all about me and what I need to say. To you all, it doesn't have to be constant happiness and light; that'd be unrealistic too. I think it comes down to thinking about who I'm writing for and, like everything else in life, finding a balance.
I also realized that I tend to write essay style rather than conversationally. That's a lot of pressure on myself! Instead of chronicling the little wonders that hit my brain, I wait until I have some kind of full-blown thesis and analyze the crap out of it. I'm gonna change some things. I think a lot of us tend to put rules and straight-jackets all over our creative expression; everything from our wardrobe to structuring our thinking. It really doesn't have to be that way. I sure don't condemn my favorite bloggers and thinkers for the kind of junk I judge myself with. I love what they write because it's real and it's how they're feeling when they share it. Hmm... another reminder on how to be a good friend to myself.
So, I'm going to forgive this gap in blog posts. I haven't made my monthly goal I set of at least 4 posts but it ain't over yet! There's so much exciting stuff going on here, hence the silence, as I've been sorting through it all and keeping my head on. Well... as tethered as it ever is. *wink*
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