No News is Good News

     I've kept a journal since I was a little girl. I kinda thought that keeping a blog would be a simple technological upgrade to an already established habit. I've found that it's harder than it seems for an introvert like me who feels compelled to disect a lot of what I write for the privacy of those dear to me.

     Years ago, an ex brought it to my awareness that he believed I wrote to work out my troubles. Looking over old journals, I realized he was right. When things are going smooth and steady there is often a significant gap from one entry to the next. When things are rocky or I'm feeling conflicted, I might have several entries in a day.

     That's really not the way I wanted to operate. I'm always thinking about the people who'll be reading these someday when I'm gone and I wouldn't want them to think my life was a continuous crisis. I never would've thought that it could be hard to get in a habit of writing the about happy things. They're certainly the things I want to remember.
     
     I'm not gonna beat myself up about it because ultimately I know I have a sure-fire, go-to, healthy coping mechanism. It sounds like a pretty good exercise to push myself to start writing about the blessings more often too.  In my private journals, it's all about me and what I need to say. To you all, it doesn't have to be constant happiness and light; that'd be unrealistic too. I think it comes down to thinking about who I'm writing for and, like everything else in life, finding a balance.  

     I also realized that I tend to write essay style rather than conversationally. That's a lot of pressure on myself! Instead of chronicling the little wonders that hit my brain, I wait until I have some kind of full-blown thesis and analyze the crap out of it. I'm gonna change some things. I think a lot of us tend to put rules and straight-jackets all over our creative expression; everything from our wardrobe to structuring our thinking. It really doesn't have to be that way. I sure don't condemn my favorite bloggers and thinkers for the kind of junk I judge myself with. I love what they write because it's real and it's how they're feeling when they share it. Hmm... another reminder on how to be a good friend to myself.

     So, I'm going to forgive this gap in blog posts. I haven't made my monthly goal I set of at least 4 posts but it ain't over yet! There's so much exciting stuff going on here, hence the silence, as I've been sorting through it all and keeping my head on. Well... as tethered as it ever is. *wink*

Why worry now? part 2

    



"Two Arches"

Now that you've determined that you are a Survivor, you've decided you are more interested in living well than quitting the game altogether through apathy, we're ready to strategize a little.

     Be realistic about the task you face but also know that it's been done before. If you have any social interaction at all, start noticing the voices of those around you that speak of positive things. When we're down it's easy to dismiss their happy, hopeful missives with that little twinge of contempt. Consider, especially, those people you know have struggled and suffered yet, despite their pain, continue to talk of gratitude for all they have. Don't be afraid to ask them what made the difference for them. There will always be someone who has overcome bigger obstacles than you. Aligning your energy with others of a like-minded path will not only reaffirm success in your mind but will also bolster your reserve for those rough days. You don't have to be a socially active person to still benefit in this way. I am an introvert. Before I found myself participating in a group in my community, I read about other peoples' stories, watched films, joined online newsletters... I virtually and spiritually connected to the collective consciousness of people who were exhibiting that state of being I wanted for myself. When I was ready, the right souls for me came into my awareness... then I said yes to their alliance.

     Choosing to grow entails acknowledging your assets and looking for solutions. You'll have to look at yourself honestly and with love, not criticism, and start deciding what of yourself you'll keep and what you'll shed. Keep it real, though. You can be idealistic and think about what your state of perfection looks like but that's more like the lifelong pursuit that you'll forever work toward. This is about becoming better than just functional and on a path to peaceful and purposeful living. Start with smaller attainable goals. Shed those things that encourage or enable the traits you aren't proud of. Get rid of that which only serves to keep you in self-abusive patterns or reliving painful events.

     Think about those little things you really like about yourself. Keep in mind that some of those traits may have seemed less desirable in the context of past relationships because the other person didn't like them. That doesn't mean that it's not a valuable part of who you are. The right people may celebrate the very same trait in you and the best part: you're not pretending to be something else. Ex: I have friends who have vast and incredible imaginations. They've been in relationships where they were rebuked for having their heads in the clouds, impractical, or even simply weird. No one was truly happy, the relationships ended anyway, and those of us that truly love them are continually amazed and inspired by their gift. Quit trying to convince others of your specialness and judging yourself by their response. I promise you that the right ones know you're special inherently.  Do tackle things like tardiness, sloppiness, dishonesty to yourself and others, and other unhealthy habits that don't convey a love and respect for yourself and your environment.

     When you start removing stuff, you'll end up with voids that so often are just refilled with other bad habits; like a former smoker who trades cigarettes for junk food. Be prepared with a plan. Fill them instead with new and positive ones. Fill them with gratitude and small victories that come with time; even if it's as simple as another minute survived. Any of us who have ever been that low know that there are times when another minute seems impossible. This time will be different. This time, for every moment you break down and cry, you're going to spend another one doing something to lift yourself back up.