I found myself encountering emotions I'm not proud of. I've felt self-pity, envy, self-doubt, and laziness. I've felt a disatisfaction with myself and my life that gave me a wake-up call when I faced it. Do I really have any reason to feel this way? I have a new way of doing things over the last couple of years. When I need help I go to the source. I went to my sacred space by a creek, gave many thanks, and listened.
The birdsong reminded me to take a higher view and speak truly to myself and others. There has been sadness in this month but there has also been growth and purpose. I was able to be present in support of my family in a tough experience. I was also able to be an instrument of Spirit by delivering a message of love and comfort from one who has passed to a loved one in her grief and she didn't run away screaming or call me a freak. I did my job and acted on an opportunity to extend love. I feel really good about that.
In a little pool off to my side there was a snapping turtle just hanging out and I thought about flexibility in my thinking. Maybe I haven't had as many appointments this month but opportunities don't always come in the ways that we expect. When we only measure success in one way, we're more often disappointed than not. Part of learning to live a free life is to take the chains off of our expectations too. Let the Universe handle the How. I'll just keep swimming, so to speak, and there's something to be said for just floating when your head is easily above water and your feet still touch the Earth. Snappers can't retreat back into their shell when threatened, they bite. I need to be mindful of my words when I feel stressed.
A young Great Blue Heron flew by. Herons do their own thing. They dance to the beat of a different drum. It's self-reliant and resourceful. Herons have a mastery in 3 of the 4 elements; Earth, Water, and Air. I'm young in this stage of my life too but I'm getting it. I am fairly comfy in thought, emotion, and grounded in reality (my reality, that is)... What's missing is fire. True enough, I am lacking fire; that raw energy and motivation that kicks us into gear. Something to consider...
Damselflies were copulating all around me in the in-between places where the water met the stone-- in the mosses growing thick on the rocks jutting out of the current. It made me think of creativity-- the conditions and components, the recipe of creation-- and how they're cold-blooded creatures who need the warmth of light and the sun to thrive. They begin their lives immersed in the water and crawl out to transform on the rocks to someday fly. Their irridescent scales reflect color with the light. Now I know I need this light and warmth of the hot days. Embrace and absorb the energy freely given. I also need to balance my emotions with intellect.
Lots to process... In the old days I felt so alone and I kept those negative emotions close to me like familiar friends but they left me feeling raw and powerless. Not what true friends do. It makes me feel much better to now have a plan. As I sat on the stone in the middle of the babbling water, I realized that these emotions are meant to just flow by if I stay grounded and let them go. With stone beneath me, afternoon sun touching me through the trees, breeze softly blowing on my face, I let the rushing current take all that negativity away with it. I let it cleanse me of all that I've been wrestling with for at least another day. I didn't feel the least bit lonely with so much advice coming from all directions.
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